SPITTLE

freezing over.... and such

2007-02-15T05:52:23Z

studying is a bitch.
even when its stuff i'm interested in...
i think when i'm in lecture my brain is like... hey this is super duper... just sit back jot down a few notes here and there... and enjoy the learning process....
studying however.. is more like...
FUCK YOUR BRAIN...

you know those commercials... about Depression 'hurting'... i've got a new theory about Studying 'hurting'.... seriously... why is there no sitting/laying/reclining position conducive to studying... seems like no matter how you adjust... you'll just have to readjust in 10 minutes before the searing pain in your.. neck/back/shoulders/feet/hands... has you contemplating amputation...

oh well... the test is tomorrow at 2:20 and i'm either gonna get an A or not get an A... that's all there is to it... and i'm not sure that another moment of staring at notes or highlighting texts is going to make a difference at this point... that's what i'm telling myself anyway... b/c i'm tired and grumpy.

and b/c of this test and some unforeseen events having to do with my German class (gag)... i didn't get my laundry done... which means... i'm pretty sure i don't have any fucking pants to wear tomorrow... so if you sit next to me.. and smell something less that TIDE-LIKE... fuck yourself... i had a test to study for... :)

sorry for all the expletives... i don't get to use them during my daily interactions with the Neo-conservative fundamentalist kiddos at school... for fear of their heads exploding... and getting brain-goo on my shoes... so i'm venting them out here.. in a safe place.

speaking of shoes... ouch
speaking of not shoes... also ouch

in other news...i'm continually more and more disgusted with the general population of students at A&M.... seriously... why can't they think!?!?

if this is our future... i'm scared
very scared.

don't tell the christians that Jesus was a socialist... they don't like that... they get red in the face... and spit when they quote their bible verses...
its funny if you're into causing mental anguish... oh and if you are into it... watch them defend Torture as a viable option for gathering information... ask them if you can pinch them while they tell you... :)

sometimes being this evil is toooo much fun.

kisses and carpal tunnel dolls.

don't read this... please.

2006-05-25T04:55:59Z

i can't seem to find a place to unload all this self-loathing...

it's getting so heavy...

and i'm so tired.

sproutout @ 2006-03-18T19:12:00

2006-03-19T01:09:49Z

so i'm trying to insert a picture here... i'm new to this... so bear with me... b/c i'll probably fuck it up!...

but at any rate... i had a Happy St. Patrick's day... and i hope you did too... :)

who doesn't love a red-head in green?

bad and good... days and days and days.

2006-02-20T19:41:08Z

so i'm not as well adjusted as my mother would like to think...
I've been sorta holding it all together here recently... just like ignoring things that i don't think i can handle... but. I'm just not able to ignore anything else. I've got to stop trying to connect with males. You boys are terrible for my health! I've mastered the disfunctional relationship... i'm ready to move on...
so instead of looking for one of YOU.... i'm just gonna look for me.

so i'm aiming at.... A&M summer... may have to wait til Fall if the funds aren't there... but i'm just poor enough to qualify for a shittload of loans/grants/stuffs...

i'm terrified of starting over in a new town... and trying to find a place to live... but... well i'm more afraid of living in Abilene for the rest of my life....I'm quite convinced that there isn't anything here for me... I mean abilene will always be my hometown... but... its not always going to be my home.
so... here's to kicking my own ass into gear and getting this school thing done.
no matter how fucking scary it is.

as far as men go....

i'm tired of liking the wrong ones....
i'm attracted to men who want very little from me... men who want just sex.... and don't care to know me... beyond my bedroom. so fuck you boys!...
especially the ones that never called again... and more so you that do call... on lonely bored nights when you'd rather not be alone... fuck you especially so and roughly!
over the course of the last year... i've become quite bitter towards men... and don't trust you. any of you.

oh and i got a raise.

kisses and fear facing dolls!

faster than jets....

2006-01-30T03:59:07Z

so i'm the newest nature girl ever!!!!

Opal and I spent a good chunk of saturday with Martha and Chris at the state park... being all naturey(is that a word?)and today i went for a jog through the air-park with chris... It was to say the very least an experience... Over the past few years i've done the gym thing off and on... sometimes quite addictively and other times b/c i feel like i have to... but... in all those times... i always did the eliptical runner, stationary bike, and weight trained with free-weights mostly... rarely using the weight machines... the treadmil was always my last resort... i would only used it if all the elipticals were taken and all the bikes... and all the stair steppers... i really don't enjoy the treadmil... for running or walking... at any rate... over the last 5 years... i've really been able to avoid "running" for the sake of "running"... not that i haven't worked out at all... i mean on thursday i went a few miles on the eliptical and when i'm really into it... its not a big deal to go 6 or 7 miles at a time... but to just run... outdoors no less... it's been a while... plus its my joints just plain weren't ready for it... its alot higher impact than the eliptical even when you're really tearing it up... (oh my god does she ever shutup?) so yeah chris was like when was the last time you ran... and i had to really think... and the last time i ran for any substantial distance or length of time... was like in 98 when i was playing softball... can you believe that shit? so anyhow... i had to try and figure out how to pace myself...and what kind of stride to use... i bet i looked retarded... but in the end... i did it... i bitched alot but i did it... it wasn't terrible... but i don't thinking that running is going to replace the Elipitical machine as my favorite cardio activity... but it was nice to have some scenery to look at rather than the chick in front of me's butt while i ran... and no annoying 80's rock ballads insisting that i'm a champion in the background....
so here's to a smaller ass in 2006. :)
kisses and running shoes dolls :)

new music and illegal activities!

2006-01-20T17:40:40Z

so i'm off of work today which means one thing... i'm bored! how lame is that? that i can't find a damn thing to do...
looks like opal gets to go to the park today... b/c thats what we always do when i'm off of work...b/c i'm lame and she is awesome!

well if anyone of you lovely lovely lovlies... wants to entertain me... call... b/c i'm dying here.
kisses and sparkly nail polish dolls

home at last

2006-01-06T17:01:03Z

so my compy is up and running and more than that... it here with me at my new home... and even more than that... after performing some technical feats that i didn't think i was even capable of... i have the internet here too!!!! how super huh?
so yeah i'm super great...
and i just read that bcbs is hiring... hmmm i'm totally intrested...wonder what shift i'd like to work... hmmmm
honestly probably the 6am to 3pm shift... just b/c its closer to a regular day-job and would still leave me with my nights open for singing... :)

well i've got to shower and such... b/c even though this is my day off... there is work to be done.!!

kisses dolls..

it may not be silver but there is definate lining.!

2006-01-02T19:48:59Z

okay so....
work sucks... but not as much today b/c totally afore-mentioned she-devil-bitchtress is off today... i think she thinks i like her... ahhh i'm so bad at being like mean or rude to people...

so yeah but i talked to martha last night... and it sorta struck me.... the way i could finally afford to go to school... is to live with her... so i'm all you need to try to get a job in dallas or maybe in college station... but really what kinda jobs do they have down there?? anyway i'm all if you get a job Big-D then we could totally split a place and i could afford to go to school.... its not ideal of course... i mean everyone knows martha and i sometimes... ummm hate each other in very noisy violent ways...but... BUT we are adults and i figure between work and school i won't be "home" much anyhow... and martha is such a socialite.. i'm sure she'll have a huge new batch of friends pretty soon.... i don't know... the more i think about it the more i like the plan... me and marta in dallas this summer.... and most importantly... ME IN SCHOOL... yeah it'd be super nice to get finished... b/c then i could start to look for that rich guy i wanna marry so i can travel all over the world... and he can pay for it... yeah bliss!

in other news...
ummm my house is wrecked... i woke up today and i was all..> "who the fuck trashed my apartment?"... yeah it was me... the holidays have really done a number on my living quarters... the closet is really quite clean... but thats b/c the clothes and shoes are all over the living room... so yeah tonite... is clean the fuck outta your house night.. i'm even """SHOCKINGLY"""" borrowing mom's super vaccuum woot! and i'll have you know... (you of course being people who might have know previously the state of my kitchen) I did those dishes like nearly 2 weeks ago... so yeah i'm not GROSS!! the only gross thing is... ummm all the ummm science projects that need to be removed from the fridge...b/c yeah those are errr old... heehee is that bad?
yeah so i'm totally buying hangers and windex today after work... and going to town cleaning my home....

oh and i'm a crocheting queen thanks to mom and brandi... i've just finished my first little hat and its sooo cute i'll take a picture of it... before i mail it off to virginia... oh speak of pictures... i'm gonna try to post one of Opal on here... seeing as how i gots me a fancy new camera... well i'm headed.. back to work...

have to love the overtime :)
kisses and cleaning products dolls!!!

so it begins again.

2006-01-01T20:56:00Z

2005 was a year of big changes....

it started cruising the streets of Richmond VA in a sexy Mitsubishi 3000GT, with a special someone... In Feburary 05 I began to fall apart, and by March 1st I was on my way home to Texas. 2005 saw the end of my whirlwind romance with the one who got away, as well as the official end of my short-lived and poorly-planned marriage.... by the middle of March i was home working and miserable... I was now faced with the prospect of mourning all my losses that i'd ignored. I finally had to recognize that my marriage was really over and that it really hurt even if it was for the best... to recognize that my feelings for Paul would never be returned no matter how strongly i felt for him... to establish that as scary as it would be... i had to start over.
so i started... something... I went on lots of dates, had a few one night stands... this continued through may and june and even into july... it wasn't until August that I made an attempt at something with a bit more substance... though it wasn't really much of an attempt.. it stopped the pattern. James.. stopped the pattern... b/c i liked him... He was the first person I had "dated" that was real... that really had something to say and who I really enjoyed being around. Too bad really that James lived(lives) so far away would have been fun to get to know him better.... but all that aside James was the beginning of something more positive for me... after "James part I" was "Andrew Part II" a boy i had dated previously last summer and went out with again but nothing came from it again... Then in November was "James partII" which was really just a good time in a different town with a really nice and fun kid!... shortly after that weekend things fell off and well we don't talk anymore which is sad but no harm done no feelings hurt... Then i met Chris who swept me off my feet... and in a very short lived relationship helped to make me feel like a real lovely and beautiful person... if only i could have returned his affetion... Chris is easily one of my best buds now... Then there is scott... who is probably one of the most surprising people i know... not for any outrageous reason but just b/c of who he is. His personality and his lifestyle, his way of seeing things... he's a fresh person very real and honest... and a good friend... but the boys weren't the only things going on in '05... there were my girls to.
I rediscovered my old friends... Leanna, and Brandi are my standing saturday nights!! their my "girlz" in the truest sense... Karessa is my inspiration she blows me away at every turn with how ambitious and successful she's been and will be in her school carreer and afterwards... and she hasn't lost a bit of her spark or individualism which i completely am in awe of... its so easy to let go of the things that make you "you"... and so few people really hold on to themselves and their personality the way Karessa has... you're super girl!!! and though i haven't seen her... Jessica keeps in touch and up to date... and when we do talk on the phone its like we haven't missed a beat! kisses doll.... Martha everyone knows we don't always get along... but we always love each other... even when we are calling each other sluts... he ehee... she's my other half.. in lots of ways... we are as different as two sisters can be... while at the same time being nearly the same... she's been there to drag my drunk ass home several times and there to give my dumb ass a reality check or two as well... She's my sister and always will be no matter how much i can't stand being around her... ( just kidding... sorta ya know)...
There are also the people i can now call friends... the people that i may not see much or at all... or the people who i only speak to rarely... people who in one way or another enriched my life this past year... most of whom will never read this post...
Paul- the best lost love i've ever had, and the truest friend a girl could ever have... at times my hero, and the person who knows me...
Alan- the strangest kiddo i've ever had the honor of calling friend... always good for a bit of random fun... and a good-loser at trivial pursuit!!!
Chadwick- my opposite in every way.... he's great if i'm in the mood to debate... and i'm totally jealous of his nomadic life... traveling from town to town.. and job to job... just living it up!
Randy- My Sailor!.. he's in florida and we haven't seen each other since july'04 but we keep in touch... his art blows my mind and his sense of humor kills! plus he's got great taste in music.
Ross- the kid i've never met but totally adore...be safe!
Trevor - see Ross.
Marissa (janie)- The craziest girl i've ever known... too bad she won't be my sister-in-law(he hee) cloves and cherry vodka's will forever remind me of you love!
Marcus- a new friend, i look forward to learning more about... and the kind of person you can tell anything to without fear of being judged!.
Jeff- he knows how to share... and wherever you are Jeff i miss ya and i hope you're doing well... skinny's just isn't the same since you've been gone!.
Ryan- the best rapper i've ever met!... and a great orthodontist.!!!

i'm sure i'm leaving lots of people off the list... but it doesn't mean i don't loves ya...

Events... in 05 that stand out.

The HORRIBLE MOVE!
The Japanese Goth Rock Concert!
The 10hr Trip to Austin!
The Cross Canadian Ragweed concert!
The Airshow!
The Strip Club!
The Recording of my CD
The Birth of Opal's Puppies!
The Death of Jaquelyn Austin
The Marriage of Amy & Mat
The First Time I sang on stage!
The Graduations of Emory and Martha
The Elevator Ride at the old Austin Hotel
and more....

so how do you sum up a year so full of changes....
i don't know...
i guess you can do one of two things...
just pretend like its just another day and go on without pausing to look back...
or take a moment to think about how different things are now that they were a year ago...

I'm happier now than a year ago... I'm stronger now..
in '06 what i want... is just to continue to find myself...and my joy.

Happy New Year

love sarah

a copy and a note

2005-12-14T18:22:09Z

so i posted in my myspace blog... and felt the need to share it

so i'm looking for a new job... just don't tell my boss...

seems that i've been working for the sort of business that has abso-fucking-lutely(thanks scott) no sense of loyalty or respect for its employees. the new girl thinks she's the best thing that ever happened to the world of veterinary medicine... even going so far as to actually question the education and ability of one very good doctor. She's the type that likes to convince people she's the only working, and that if it wasn't for her the place would fall to shit... she's been working with us for 3 weeks....but 2yrs ago was previously employed at the clinic.... so yesterday i find out that they've taken the responsibilities of the most senior employee... who has been with the clinic going on 7 years... and given half of them to this new girl... its like what the fuck!!! she's the type of employee that doesn't even feel bad at the end of a long day of back-stabbing... she is out to get the rest of us... and i'm not going to be gotten... i'm normally a very non-confrontational kiddo... but if this lady doesn't lay off... she's gonna find out just how much i dislike her... b/c i'll fucking tell her to her face... she needs to be told that she is a bitch and no one likes her... not that it would affect her in any way... she still needs to know. I don't really have much loyalty to this clinic... b/c there are lots of things that i feel they do wrong... but i still show up for work everyday and do as good a job as i can... when someone comes in and starts to tell the owner that she's doing all the work... and no one else is... well it might be mean... or even rash... but i'd like to quit so she CAN do all the work herself.... ahhhhhh

so i'm either going to quit entirely as soon as i find a new job... or just get a second job... and work part time at the clinic til i leave for school... but i swear if she says one more snotty ass thing to me about my fellow employees, or how she's doing everything... i'll fucking jam a patient chart down her fucking esophagus...

that said... everyone have a nice day now ya hear :)

in other business... i broke up with the nice guy... he was nice... but... it wasn't enough... i don't know what i wanted... possibly i just don't want to belong to anyone.... or maybe just not to him.... he wasn't a redhead afterall... j/k (sortof)... so christmas is comming up and i'm dreading it... the more i think about it the more depressed i get... Paul dumped me last christmas, and even though we got back together before new years.. it was really the end our relationship... and things just weren't the same from then on til i moved .... and the various christmas memories i have from my short marriage to josh are also less than happy... b/c they were all with his family who liked to suck the joy out of any and all family events... alas....soon it'll be over and it'll be 2006 and i'll be closer to college station and my life.

and if you have the chance to live out one of your fantasies... do it... you don't get many chances to do things like that in this life.

kisses dolls and kiddos...

so far so good...

2005-12-07T18:25:55Z

nice guy... likes... no loves my dog... (you would too if you met her)...
big points there..
and big points for comming along to work dinner party last night... where he was totally scrutinized by co-workers... and exposed to completey bizzaro lesbian couple friends of mine... their ferocious piranas, Aggressive dogs, and ADD kids. good times.
He drinks Guinness which i think is icky... but other than that... great taste in beer... real beer... he's even introduced me to some new brittish beer that is uber-tasty... called Black Sheep... super good... not to cheap though :(

so i'm still seeing how it goes... not sure that "it" is there... i mean i think its b/c he's not my usual type... he's not a tall skinny red-headed rocker boy... he's more of a tall thick (athletic i guess??)brunette... indie kid... i guess really the problem isn't him its me... i'm still sorta intrested in two other guys i recently dated who i know i have to just forget about b/c they were just gonna hurt me or drag me down... so yeah..

i'm going to his Squadron christmas party this friday... and i'm excited to get to like dress up and stuff... I'm gonna try to get leanna and brandi to do the hair/makeup thing for me... b/c i'm a huge goober.... and i've got the cutest outfit to wear... :) :):):) and there's an open-bar.. UH OHH!!! j/k i'll be good... ish... errr probably..

oh and for the local ladies... there is a new bar i wanna go to... called Old Riley's... so yeah i'm thinking saturday we should check that place out...

oh and i should be singing tomorrow night at the backroom bar... so you all should come check it out... :) be my support team... weee :)

kisses dolls...

change... and its scary.

2005-12-06T01:18:25Z

so i met a kiddo...
he's nice...
he's actually reall really nice... and on top of that... he's into me.
which is totally nice for a change... i forgot how great it feels to be pursued... it fucking rocks!!!

but yeah so we're doing the dating thing... and i'm into it... but at the same time i'm a little scared... or maybe the right way to put it... is Gun-shy...

boys have been a little awful lately.. and i'm sorta waiting for the other foot to fall with this fella... just you know... not getting too vested in the situation...

its strange... b/c all the guys that i've been with in the last year.... have all been crappy towards me... in one way or another... and have totally let me down... now here's a guy that wants to get to know me and really digs me... and i'm all... "i don't know"... its like i'd be happier if he acted a little less than intrested... lol what a dork huh?

well i'm sorta trying to play it cool ... til i know what i want... and yeah in the mean time i think i'll enjoy the company :)

kisses dolls... hope all is well...
and a big HELL YEAH to my sister who's finally graduating ... you kick multi-ass Marty!!!

low low low

2005-12-01T00:05:45Z

my friend lost his wife...
how do you live after that?

holidays....

2005-11-26T16:31:35Z

so... i got a new bed... yeah Leanna loves me mostest of all... :)
and its huge-a-normous... big... big big.
with purple sheets... (sexy) and a lovely mauve electric blankie... on top... and ummm its cozy...
ahhh the new bed...

we recorded a new song... and its amazing.... and i love it... and it makes me wanna cry...

i'm also i recently discovered... the lamest kiddo ever.
i spent an entire friday night... at starbucks... reading... and sipping tea... b/c i'm super awesome... or possibly b/c i'm super uncool... but i did it anyway...
someone should take pity on me and my uber-lameness... and call me up... and talk to me... so that i can communicate with an intelligible life-form... that isn't trying to convince me that the half-fat white mocha frap is really quite tasty... blah...

so tonite... is rack daddy's... where i will proceed to suck at pool... and drink...

last night i had some wierd fucking dreams...
there was the hotel... in like... ummm the fucking midwest... and i drove ther... and my brother was there and there was this girl... that i didn't know there and there was some guy there... it was wierd... b/c the guy felt like really familiar but i can't really say who he was for sure... kinda like a combination of all the men i've met recently.... he was naked.. and lounging... on this chaise... with these red and green and blue blankets all around him and covering his fun-parts.. heheee... and then like it was time to leave... and i had to pay... but i didn't have any money... so i put it on a credit card that i knew was maxed out and it went though and i did a little dance... lol then i got into my car with my mom and my kid... all of a sudden my mom was there... and i had a like toddler... thing... in a carseat in my car... it was strange... but i kept giving him bottles... and he kept smiling... then we got pulled over by this UN-forces dude... like he was from some country in Africa... and was wanting to see all my "papers"... so i naturally of course... develop a sudden case of British-accent-itis... and start to explain to him why my papers have a different name on them than his... and why my headlights weren't on in the middle of the day... it was quite strange... and i called him Mate... b/c i was like british or something... it was odd.... so i drive off finally after convincing him i'm not a terrorist or anything... and then suddenly i'm driving down a long flat empty highway in Missouri... wondering how much trouble i'm going to be in with the credit card company...

how fucking wierd huh?

i shouldn't read so much before bed..

kisses dolls...

thanksgiving and such

2005-11-24T15:45:53Z

happy thanksgiving darlings.

i hope its as easy for you to figure out who and what you are thankful for this year as it is for me :)

kisses and turkey dolls.

ugh and ugh.

2005-11-20T19:53:21Z

I Hate myself..
i'm so tired of being here... and so tired of doing what i'm doing... and so tired of drinking... or going out dancing... i'm so tired of not having anyone to really talk to... i just wanna run the fuck away...
i keep waiting for my real life to begin... and its never going to...

freezing my patootie

2005-11-19T03:22:40Z

fucking cold....
i need mittens...

and i need to do something... so someone call me lets go out... i need human contact...
:)
kisses babies

these songs... are killing me.

2005-11-12T06:02:52Z

i'm listening to these songs today and they all just... poke holes in me.
*********************************************************************
It Just Is - Rilo Kiley

Today's the day I realised
That I could be loved
It echoed through the park last night
He wasn't our son
He belonged to everyone

And this loss isn't good enough for sorrow or inspiration
It's such a loss for the good guys
Afaraid of this life
That it just is
'Cause everybody dies

This loss isn't good enough for sorrow or inspiration
It's such a loss for the good guys
Afraid of this life
That it just is
Everybody...

This loss isn't good enough for sorrow or inspiration
It's such a loss for the good guys
Afraid of this life
That it just is
'Cause everybody dies
*****************************************************************
then there is this other song by The decemberists called Eli The Barrow boy... its soooo sad...and then this song
by Death Cab for Cutie- You're Heart is an empty room ...

Burn it down, till the embers smoke on the ground
And start new when your heart is an empty room
With walls of the deepest blue

Home's face: how it ages when you're away
Spring blooms and you find the love that's true
But you don't know what now to do
Cause the chase is all you know
And she stopped running months ago

And all you see is where else you could be
When you're at home
Out on the street are so many possibilities
To not be alone

The flames and smoke climbed out of every window
And disappeared with everything that you held dear
And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
Cause you knew you were finally free

Cause all you see is where else you could be
When you're at home out on the street
Are so many possibilities to not be alone

And all you see is where else you could be
When you're at home there on the street
Are so many possibilities to not be alone
******************************************

i listen too closely to lyrics lately... i think how do they feel that stuff and think to write it down... ahhh guess this is why i'm the singer not the songwriter...
speaking of songs.... Ben has written a new one... that gives me chills to sing.. it just chokes my soul... (gawd how emo does that sound)... but it really grabs me... its still a work in progress ... but i'm hoping to get to sing it soon..the only real problem is... i'm not sure if i can sing it without crying...

so i cleaned out my car today... woot
and my dad is ordering me new tires ... 2 for the back... which means i'll have 4 new tires... he's super... they'll be my christmas presents... and i couldn't be happier b/c the ones i have are about to eat it... and i wouldn't be able to afford new ones for a long long while... so yea dad!

and tomorrow is big drinking fest night at guitars... b/c its some short kids birthday... :) kissed dearie!... and so we'll be dropping it like its hot.. (yes james you may puke now)... til the sun comes up.. or really until they close the bar and kick us out.. hee hee... so yeah... loves dears... and see you soon...

:)

i did it too!!!!

2005-11-11T03:21:17Z

Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
1) Does vegafey have a dog? she has two :)
2) Do iraq_vet and selfedit go to the same school? nope and nope
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5) Is hologramgoddess popular? oh yea..if you had tits like those you would be too!!!
6) How would confederateson kill vegafey? ummm that is definately a question with far greater social repercussions than i can bear being responsible for.
7) What mental disorder does vegafey remind you of? ummm workstohardplaystolittleitis...
8) Do you have a crush on ashzero? no he's taken but he's a cutie
9) Is ashzero athletic? ummm i don't know...
10) Thoughts on vegafey? she's like a living anime kid... with great taste in music!
11) What would marthamcandrews think of iraq_vet? she would definately kick his ass if he's mean to me :)
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18) Does confederateson smoke? like a chimney... and don't ever try to borrow a cig from him ... :)
19) madlyinlove's hair color? its probably brown.... but its all so unclear now.
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21) Has eternalprelude dyed their hair? i'm sure he has... just not lately :)
22) Would selfedit and madlyinlove look good together? ummm lets go with no
23) Are neonsugar and iraq_vet going out? they better not be!
24) Is vegafey a high school student? not anymore...she's a GRAD-student now... smarty britches
25) What is neonsugar's favorite game? mmm not sure but it would definately have to envolve rum
26) What exotic animal would eternalprelude like as a pet? hmmm a hedgehog?
27) Are hologramgoddess and vegafey married? to each other... if so they haven't told us... and that's a pretty big secret girls!!!!
28) Would you make out with ashzero? nah... lauren would kick my ass!
29) Is vegafey a nerd? only in the best way.
30) Is ashzero your best friend? no... i hardle know him.
31) If eternalprelude and marthamcandrews were siamese twins, where would they be joined? at the elbow.
32) What comic book character would iraq_vet be? ummm probably the kind that show up on really ugly shirts!
33) Is hologramgoddess introverted or extroverted? she's extroperverted.... if thats the same thing.
34) What do you disagree with madlyinlove about? ummm little or much... i 'm not sure.
35) If iraq_vet took over the world, who would suffer? ummm my brother... probably
36) If iraq_vet were hanging off a cliff, what would hologramgoddess do? she better save his ass... and then interrogate him til i get there... as to why he thought it was funny to hang off the cliff in the first place...
37) What would you do if neonsugar died? I'd completely freak out... we all would... we'd be walking crying zombies.
38) Is selfedit in a relationship? she might be... are you?
39) How long have you known confederateson? like 9 months...
40) What color should vegafey dye their hair? what color has she not dyed her hair?
41) Have you ever dated iraq_vet? i think i did once... or i might have had the hiccups... can't recall for sure :)
42) Where was selfedit born? i think the answer is still Vegas...b ut i feel like this is a trick question now.
43) Do you have vegafey's screenname? ummm no... she has it. i think.
44) Would you set up iraq_vet and eternalprelude? no. i'm selfish
45) Does marthamcandrews drink? is the pope's ass water tight?

i know now

2005-11-10T19:24:38Z

the backup
the saftey
the second choice

the other

i'll tell you what lying gets you.
nothing... and i'll tell you what lying is... its not saying everything... you mean.
Its letting someone think that things are different than they are
its letting yourself think that things are different or ever could be.
its not telling a person what the whole picture is... its to cover up the big picture and leave only holes through which only the truth you want to be seen is seen..

lying is self medication.
its fixing yourself into what you want to be... especially when the one being lied to is you.
especially when you believe your own lies... i'm not a liar.

Happiness is an impossible goal... it really is
you can be content... and you can have moments of joy... but happiness is totally relative.
i want to be content...
i am not the liar.

people are so strung out on the tradition of things... so caught up in the way its "supposed to be"... take a risk... and do what you want.

don't lie to me please.... i don't want to be your fool.
I'm not looking for the backup
i'm not looking for the other
i'm not waiting for something better... b/c i'm already the something better...

so stop playing the game you think needs to be played...
i'm not game

you don't even know that i'm real... you only know i'm out of reach... that doesn't make me less here... just makes me less to you...
you won't even read this... and i know that...
i guess that makes me the liar afterall.

stuff that pisses me off....

2005-11-07T03:11:45Z

So i posted/wrote this originally for my Blog on Myspace... but decided to ummm re-post here b/c its sorta all that i'm thinking about tonite)

When people say that all pits are evil,bad..etc, dogs I have a hard time keeping my cool with these people. It is my opinion that a person who thinks it is rational to tie a sweeping-generalization such as that to a canine because of its genetic makeup is ignorant. There is a reason that people think Pitbulls are the epitome of aggression in the carnation of a dog, that reason is... TV tells you to. Take a look at these articles about "pitbull attacks" and then do a little research... look for articles involving the attack of any breed of dog on any person or other dog... see if you can find any...and if you do... why were those articles so hard to find? b/c they aren't sensational. You know its considered common pratice in the field of journalism to try and make things seem more important than they are.. to make things bigger/shinier/scarier its the only way to get americans/the public to look at your story...if the articles were about just some dog biting some kid... you'd probably pass it up...but if the headline reads... PITBULL MAULS INFANT...you're gonna read that.... they know it... you know it... you are just feeding into the problem. The Pitbull, or the American Pitbull Terrier (APBT) is NOT any more aggressive towards or likely attack to a human than other breeds of dogs... you are just more likely to hear about it, if it happens. Even when its a mixed breed or mutt who attacks a person the dog will often be called a "pitbull-type dog"... just to keep the hype. ALL DOGS ARE CAPABLE OF ATTACKING.... yes all... even shi tzus and pomeranians and poodles... and even the much loved Golden Retriever and Labs. I've worked in the veterinary field for several years and handled hundreds of dogs. I've been bitten, several times, but never once was i bitten by a Pitbull or a Rottwieler, or Mastiff, or Bulldog. I have been most often bitten by poodles, and cocker spaniels. In my line of work you treat all dogs as potential biters, you don't assume that any dog "wouldn't ever bite". I'm very biased to the pitbull b/c i've owned several and so of course i'm going to defend them. I'm not saying that I would protect or try to stand-up for a particular dog that has shown signs of or has a history of aggression... I'm not a fan of irresponsible animal ownership. If you cannot be responsible enough to have your dog trained, socialized, and vaccinated prior to exposing it to other people and animals then i don't think you should own it in the first place. Most of the pitbulls that you do hear about attacking or biting a person do not belong to responsible owners... they belong to people who purchased the dog for its "tough" look for its "bad rap"... these are the people who want to be able to say... "i've got a pitbull"... they are also the people who don't usually take very good care of their dogs... you'd find that a dog that is poorly socialized and chained to a post in a yard for the better part of its life is much much more likely to bite a person than a dog that interacts with people on a regular or semi-regular basis. Working in this field i've unfortunately met alot of bad owners... alot of these owners make me sick i want to reach over that counter and slap them for the way they treat their animals. I'd like to chain a few of these people up in my yard for a day or two just to see how they feel about it. Thanks to these irresponisble people who mistreat, neglect or abuse their "bad-ass" looking dogs, a dog like my Opal is looked at with disdain by people simply because she happens to be an American Pit Bull Terrier. People have actually met my dog, pet her and rub her belly while she licks them then ask... what kind of dog she is... when i tell them ..they draw their hand back at warp speed as if she might suddenly decide to eat it... I can't believe that people have such a strong opinion of a dog they couldn't even pick out of a lineup. seriously don't form opinions based in ingnorance. The internet is a great source of information but its also a great source of mis-information... don't believe what you read b/c its written... figure it out for yourself... do a little work when you form an opinion...read as much as you can get your hands on, and then decide for yourself... its never going to be possible to escape all inaccurate data posted as fact on the web or even printed as fact in your local paper... but you can use a little common sense and figure out the real truth on your own. so here are a few places you can start.... if you want

http://www.avma.org/public_health/dogbite/dogbite.pdf

http://acf2004.tripod.com/id5.html

http://www.atts.org/statistics.html

I'm in no way suggesting that the a pitbull won't bite you... i'm merely suggesting that they are not the only dogs capable of attacking or biting you... its just the only breed you'll read about or hear about in the news. and just a little food for thought... a video someone put together to help open the eyes of those who immediately tag APBT's as bad dogs...

http://gprime.net/flash.php/thepitbullproblem

and then...

2005-11-05T06:18:48Z

we have a webpage now... b/c that's what you are supposed to do.

www.librastash.com

went to a show tonite...at a local bar... a sorta seedy scary bar... and saw someone from our past ladies...
someone that i've seen a few times lately...

someone that we all wanted... and lusted after

YES LADIES>>>
the big CLIFF

so yeah i saw him about a month ago at a "battle of the bands" thingy here in town...and in a less than sober state... basically told him that me and all my friends wanted to gangbang him in highschool... which i realized later.. in a less than drunk state... is a really embarrasing thing to say to someone...

so yeah he laughed... i drew on him with a sharpie... (i was retarded drunk)...
but yeah he happend to be playing tonite with his band... Blood Red Disciple tonite... out at the backroom bar... his band is actually really good.... and even though its alot alot ... alot really alot.. heavier than most of the stuff i listen to nowadays... i found myself really getting into it... and enjoying the show...

so yeah... thought you all might enjoy a little blast from the past...
and Vega.... every time i think of him... i think... of a little thing you once told me... about a dream you had... starring a certain mohawked highschooler.... "can't rape the willing"... lol

oh well

kisses darlings...
and to the others... well you can have hugs.

let the sun wrap its arms around me....

2005-11-01T00:17:35Z

Things....
are soooo confuddled...
so here it is lovelies...
I will NOT be attending the lovely A&M... much to my (really much much) dismay. So now i guess its second job time. I'm actually really upset about it... i haven't talked or told anyhow how totally crushed i am by it... b/c i guess i don't want to let myself in on the reality of where i won't be in january. It'd be just like the old me to get all melancholly over this... to just take it as an excuse to stop making decisions again...(which we all know doesn't work)...
I guess i was so sold on the change... the new start...
Since i moved out of Josh's house i've been trying to get my feet underneath me... and like a toddler who hasn't quite mastered gravity... i keep falling flat on my ass (good thing its cushy)... This A&M thing... had started to feel right... just exactly right... like what i was supposed to do... and now its like... well... maybe i was wrong... but...
i'm not supposed to think like that... instead... you just get busy...
you get another job... you work your tail off... you work so much you only have time for work and sleep...
i really suck at this stuff... this... fucking getting on with it stuff...

i wanna fast forward... i want to be able to skip ahead to the "good"parts...

and how do i sit here feeling terrible... wishing i had a shoulder to cry on... and someone to cuddle up with...at the end of these horribly long days.... ahhh
damn it... i started thinking about it...
gahhh

so...
in other news i went on a blind date last night... ummm
it was different... it was okay...
it was actually sorta awful...but he was nice...
i don't know...
i can't go on dates with guys when i really want someone else.

93 Us Soldiers were killed in Iraq in October... fuck that's fucking too much... right?
i'm such a dumb american girl... who ignores it all as much as possible jsut to keep from crying... but you know what... that's the problem... no one is paying any attention.. enough of us aren't crying... seriously... what the fuck are our boys dying for does anyone have a fucking clue?

ahhhhh

so i'm off to the new bookstore... to read things i'm too poor/cheap to buy... to wish i was somewhere else... to wish alot of people were where they wanted to be...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love of mine
Someday you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light
Or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
And illuminate the "no"s
On their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In catholic school
As vicious as roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised
By a lady in black
And I held my tongue
As she told me "Son,
Fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
And illuminate the "no"s
On their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me
Have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes
Are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
But it's nothing to cry about
'Cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
And illuminate the "no"s
On their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
to kick this mood...
and write a letter.

kisses dolls...
i love you.
and more than that... I miss you all :)

its ready... for mass consumption...

2005-10-25T04:21:14Z

lets just hope it stays down... wouldn't want mass-emesis...

so... you wanna get it... wanna support your favorite redhead?

well to listen go here... if you like you buy it.

in other news... i'm sans my cellular communication device for an un-specified amount of time. i got a "new" one from ben... b/c he didn't need it anymore... and i broke it in less than 8 hours... b/c i'm awesome... or retarded. So mom to the rescue... she's gonna go get me one tomorrow... everyone cross your fingers that she doesn't bring me back anything bigger than my arm... b/c that'd be just like her... to say... "yea its a little heavy sarah... but it was sooo cheap"....

so yeah....

and another blow ... I might not get into A&M b/c of AHS... the absence of my high school transcript... may possibly keep me from enrolling this spring... which is really sorta devastating to me... b/c i have totally sold myself on this thing..

oh well...

i'm tired...

buy my cd if you love me...

kisses dolls.

little terrors... little miracles

2005-10-20T03:09:51Z

so all of Opal's pups are thriving and happy yippy things.. that stink and keep me up at night. yesterday at work... i assisted with a c-section on this pomeranian... that was too small to deliever her pups.. (it actually happens alot in the animal kingdom... too much pup to push... thank god for my child-bearing hips!!!!)... so there were three puppies in there... and i happened to be walking into the surgery room to aks a question and was wrangled into "catching" the first pup the doctor pulled free from the uterus... it was this messy blob of goop and blood and flesh... and i had to rupture the birthsac (probably has some super cool technical name but will go with birthsac... b/c i'm making the rules)... and then stimulate the pup til it breathed on its own... to do this... means you grab a towel... and start rubbing and massaging the hell out of the little guy... ideally what you do is not only piss them off enough to take a deep breath and squeak at you... but also you loosen up the flem (gross huh?) that builds up in their little lungs and help them get it out... it took 25 minutes of serious minstration to get this thing breathing regularly... it was a tiny bugger... smaller than the palm of my hand... and when it finally squeaked in protest to my assault... i nearly cried.. it was so quiet just this little MEEP... the puppy was a female with white fur... and big blue eyes... so very vulnerable... its amazing how life even happens... ahhhh okay enough sappy basking...

so in other bits of intrest... We (ben and I) finished our cd... its dun... well nearly almost seriously close to done... just have to like... copy and mass-produce them now... so anyone wanna hear my first single... ??? here's the link babes and i expect to hear what you think...

http://www.myspace.com/librastash

so on a totally seperate subject. I'm really sorta taking a whole new intrest in the Iraq war... b/c of a certain iraq_vet ... so i spent the afternoon at hastings... thumbing through these books in the current events section... and the more i read the more i alternated between angry and sad... i read part of this michael moore book about letters soldiers have written him... from iraq... and i just started crying...its just... so futile... or it feels that way... anyhow... i didn't purchase anything...b/c i'm one poor motha-fucka...but i make break down and pick up a few of the books i looked at today.. one of which was called the Secret History of the Iraq War... it seems i know very little about the "real" dealings that lead up to this ordeal...so i figured it might be a good place to start... and then of course i can't help but be pulled into the personal tellings of it all... these kiddos out there... and they don't even fucking know what they are out there for... i don't even fucking know what they are out there for... so alas anyways... if a certain kid i mentioned before... gets any funny ideas about going back over there... i'd like to know more about what he's getting himself back into.

well ladies and gents... i loves you and i'm off to party... or more likely off to bed...

kisses dolls

iraq_vet iraq_vet